Monday, June 26, 2006

Annoyed's Guide To Women Pt. 1

Overall I've been fairly lucky with the gals... I've suffered my fair share of rejection but for an ugly dude I've wound up with some attractive women over the years. Never more so than right now.

However, I have also had my fair share of set backs. Take the following story.

I'm in forth grade and I develop this crazy crush on this girl. It seemed that was the year all the guys I knew started realizing that their lower regions were put there for more than just taking a whiz. Myself included.

Anyway, I dug this girl. Not sure why at the time I just knew that I wanted her in some way. At 11 years old I really had no plan about how to go about getting her or any idea what do with her IF I did. However, I knew what I wanted.

I spent the better part of that year staring at her, making fun of her and generally acting like a complete ass around her at all times! Behavior that I later perfected in my every day life. The year went by and I got past it. She clearly wasn't interested in me and truthfully I was relieved. She made me feel all "weird" inside and who had time for that?

The years went by and we went to different schools. I'd see her once in awhile around town and would always take notice. It seemed my crush never really went away, it just got put on hold.

Cut to Senior Year of High School... We're back at the same school and her and I are friends. We spend every day together at lunch driving around in her car smoking cigarettes and talking about life. Actual conversation! At 17 this was strange. We were pretty close.

Prom time is approaching I figure I'm going to ask her. I think she'll say yes and I'm feeling confident! I bring the topic up in the car on day. Keep in mind, I was pretty slick back then!

Me: So, like, what are doing for the prom?
Her: Rick asked me to go with him. I was hoping....
Me: Oh, okay.... uh, anyway, I gotta go!

I jump out of the car and take off. I'm sorta pissed but not too bad. I figured shit wasn't meant to be so screw it. This was a Friday and on Sunday I asked a different girl to go with me and she said yes. She was a nice girl and I figured we would have some fun but she was certainly a "plan B" girl.

Anyway, I go out to lunch with "Plan A" on Monday and tell her I asked "B" to go and that she said yes. "A" gets this disappointed look on her face which looking back I didn't even recognize as such... We spend our days hanging out and everything is just the way it's been all year. About a week later this conversation occurs.

Her: So, I'm going to the prom with Kevin from (some stupid private school).
Me: Excuse me? You said you were going with Rick?
Her: No, I said Rick asked me to go! You never let me finish that day. Truthfully I was hoping you were going to ask me but then you asked "B"
Me: Son of a BITCH!
Her: What?
Me: Why didn't you tell me?
Her: I tried

LONG story short, she was a virgin! A good looking, really cute virgin who slept with her prom date just because she decided she was tired of being one.

That of course was supposed to ME! Eight YEARS after first staking a claim to this girl and I'm banging "plan B" while she's sleeping with this fucking loser Kevin who she never talked to again after that night!

Son of a bitch!

That summer I tried to put the moves on her drunk one night by sending my friend over to ask her if she liked me. I was really drunk! That's my excuse for acting like a 12 year old girl in Gym class. Of course the answer came back "no" In truth, the next morning, I HATED me!

She goes away to college and we lose touch. The following summer I'm at a party at a mutual friend's house when I bump into her. The party sucks and I tell her I'm taking off. She asks me to where and I tell her I'm gonna go back to my place and watch a movie. She wants to come with me... Her friend drove them there so she'll need me to drive her home later. I'm fine with this and we take off...

Back to my place where she starts looking through my movie collection and pulls out "Goodfellas" saying she's never seen it. This of course blows my mind! I throw it on and we sit on my couch watching it. About an hour later she says to me... "Is something wrong?" I respond that there isn't and she says "I was just wondering" I go back to watching the movie and when it's over offer to take her home.

The whole ride home she has this weird look on her face. I ask, "Didn't like the movie?" which she responds to by saying "It was fine" I pull up to her place, she gets out and says "All right then" and slams the door! I pull out and go home.

THREE DAYS LATER I'm driving around thinking about it.... And then it dawns on me... This chick wanted to hook up that night! She didn't give a shit about some stupid movie! Granted, it's the GREATEST movie EVER but she could have given a shit! She asked me if everything was all right because I wasn't even trying to hook up with her. In fact, I don't think I even LOOKED at her the whole time the movie was on except to answer that question...

The whole night was like a retarded episode of "The Wonder Years"

I tried calling her but never heard back. She was headed back to college in a few weeks. The next time I saw her she had a boyfriend and they got fucking married!






At 8:46 PM, Blogger Debbie said...

Oh god. You were a victim of the "can't you read my mind" game. So sorry. I have to admit, I used to play it. I would sit there wondering why the hell the guy wasn't making any moves and then after the date, I'd be pissed because nothing happened. But it's not like I gave any signals. I just sat there.

Oh, we live and learn.

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Annoyed said...


Notice this is just part 1.... Wish I could say I learned but I was never any good at signals and games!

At 8:01 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

I can't wait to hear these other parts. This is truly great stuff.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Road to the Isles said...

Yup, we've all had a similar situation! Same thing happen with this guy through high school which lead into college - later on we laughed about how stupid we both were! Last I heard he's married with with twins!! HA!

At 9:51 AM, Blogger March to the Sea said... want something..just lean over and grab..a single sign is all men need..seriously. If annoyed made the move and she was not diggin it he'd be slapped and called a pig.

Man that story hit home a little man...

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Jenny G said...

HAHA! I didn't make guys play the read my mind game. If they didn't make a move in my timeframe, I made it for them. Hmmm...I guess that makes me a hobag.

But look at it this way. If you had hooked up with her maybe you'd be with her now and wouldn't be with your current gf.

At 10:23 PM, Blogger Rusty said...

I was going to say the exact same thing Jenny did. Everything happens for a reason...if you're happy now (and from what you've told me, you are), then this girl wasn't the one for you. It did make for a hilarious story, though. Ah, high Fun stuff. Girls are funny sometimes with the mixed signals. Sorry you missed out on some action because of it. :)

At 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry you got playedd annoyed,

those kind of mind games are all in our programming of becoming women, Some take to the programming great others dont.

sounds to me she missed out on a cool guy.. bet she's kicking herself now :)



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